Checking into the Protea Hotel at Kruger National Park today, I found out that I had been married off like an Afghan child bride without my consent or knowledge. Evidently I was made the wife, and without a doubt my name is pronounced in the female way here rather than to rhyme with “John” as I usually say it. Well, so it goes – life throws you sudden twists like this.
In another abrupt turnaround, my new husband (Mark Dimmitt) and I found that the twin beds were pushed entirely too close together. Being rather prim and moral, I decided to rearrange the furniture (and wall decor while we were at it) in the hotel room to reflect our 1950’s moral sensibilities, like the virtuous Lucy and Ricky Ricardo did. My newly-betrothed was unduly upset by this abyss between our nuptial beds (on our honeymoon night!) and raised such a fuss that our marriage has dissolved as quickly as Britney Spears’ did. Even more so, since hers lasted a full 27 hours, and ours lasted just 27 minutes.
The Nuptial Suite before we (okay I) realized just how amorally close the two beds were.
I hope that housekeeping just lets us remain separated, as the pain of reunification and parting again the next night would be too much to handle.
Newly estranged and with a divorce pending, neither of us can afford to rent individual rooms at the Protea Hotel, so we must continue to occupy the same space to save money. My once torrid love affair has turned into a mere marriage of convenience. The sorrows of life are overwhelming, but I shall soldier on until I find the next jackal who will steal my heart. And stomp it into the African dust.
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Original post made on Facebook on Sunday, Sept 4, 2016. Some of the best comments are copied below:
Dave: “You’re on the trip of a lifetime. Can’t you two just kiss and make up?!?“
Rusty: “Mr and Mrs Dammit to boot.”
Dammit. Jan Dammit, 007.”
Walter: “Don’t get eaten by the lions.”
Jim: “Should we plan a wedding reception here on the ranch?”
Me: “Plan a funeral. My new marriage was dead before it began.”
Wendy: “It’s a shame your traveling companion’s name isn’t Brad. I will be singing ‘Damn it Janet’ for the rest of the afternoon. …………”
The river was deep but
I swam it. (Janet)
The future is ours so
let’s plan it. (Janet)
So please, don’t tell
me to can it. (Janet)
I’ve one thing to say
and that’s Dammit, Janet
I love you.
The road was long but
I ran it. (Janet)
There’s a fire in my
heart and you fan it. (Janet)
If there’s one fool for
you then I am it. (Janet)
I’ve one thing to say and
that’s Dammit, Janet
I love you.
Here’s a ring to prove
that I’m no joker.
There’s three ways that
love can grow.
That’s good, bad,
or mediocre.
Oh, J-A-N-E-T I
love you so.
“